Happy Anniversary

Eric and I on our 11th wedding anniversary 5-16-09.

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Oh yes, the job interview... I got the job! I am now a housekeeper at a new hotel being built. I've spent the last 2 and a half weeks, with 7 other ladies, immersed knee-deep in drywall dust and construction madness, LOL... we are opening in about a week and a half so we are finally seeing it come together. The drapes are going in, and Tuesday we will be getting all the bedding in. Once we are open, I will only have to work from 8:30am to about 1:00pm... that means that during the school year, I will be here when the kids leave in the morning, and I'll be home when they get home from school. During the summer, I only need help from my mother with the kids about an hour and a half in the morning until Eric gets home from work. Being home with my kids is very important to me.

After 90 days, the best perk goes into effect :) Being able to stay at any Hilton owned hotel for $29.99 a night! I love this!

A Whole New World

I was just looking back at my blog to see how long it has been since my last post. The interviews with the kids were just filler, something fun for a change, as I have not had much fun since that last post on October 21st. That was the day my whole world changed.

This is the abridged version...

I told my husband that day that I wanted a divorce. He had no idea that I was that unhappy, so it kind of hit him up-side the head. He's a good husband, he always has been. I just felt like he was my best friend and that was all the feeling I could muster anymore. It was difficult working through it because we are so not wealthy, so we had to continue living together because neither of us could afford to move. He finally did find a place, and started to fix it up and move some things in, but still lived at our house because I had no job and he couldn't afford to sustain 2 active households. We have filed bankruptcy, and are losing our house... it's been killing us for years, and with Eric's hours being cut for so long, we just couldn't hold on to it anymore... I couldn't find a job, so I ended up on government assistance, which did enable me to get an apartment of my own. I was actually very excited about getting that apartment and beginning to move forward with my life again. Then I got the keys.

I got the keys on March 31, and things went haywire again. I walked into that apartment with keys in hand and had a bit of a break down. All of the pain and frustrations I had been dealing with fell away and I realized that I did still love my husband and I did not want to live away from him. I didn't say anything right away, I was so afraid that it was a fear response... that I was just afraid to be on my own... I had to make sure what I was feeling before I made any decisions. On April 4th, Eric came to me at the right moment and asked me what I was thinking, and I ended up telling him. We spent all day talking things out and in the end we decided to stay together and make it work. I turned in the keys to the apartment and we both moved into the place he had rented. We are still working on getting everything moved and organized... it's a bit difficult, because we are downsizing quite considerably.

I did quit Curves some months ago to try and save money. I began eating myself into a corner. And I've put on weight. I am hovering about 232lbs. I have so many other things going on right now that it is difficult to make my weight loss a priority. It is on my mind though. More every day. I will get back to it.

Oh, and I actually had a job interview last week, and it looks as though it might come through. I will know for sure on Wednesday. I'll let you know more then. I'm a bit scared though, I haven't worked outside of the home in 10 years. I guess now would be a good time to get back on my anxiety meds, LOL...

Interview With A Child

NICHOLAS, 9 YRS OLD

• 1. What is something mom always says to you? I'm gonna whoop ya!
• 2. What makes mom happy? me
• 3. What makes mom sad? summer break
• 4. How does your mom make you laugh? when she makes funny faces at me
• 5. What did your mom like to do as a child? ooohh... that's a hard one, I don't know
• 6. How old is your mom? 33 years old, right?!
• 7. How tall is your mom? you're short for a mom, I'm almost as tall as you!
• 8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? Dancing With the Stars
• 9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? How am I supposed to know?! LOL
• 10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? uuhh... singing?!
• 11. What is your mom really good at? watching tv, playing on the computer
• 12. What is your mom not very good at? working out (much laughter at this)
• 13. What does your mom do for her job? nothing
• 14. What is your mom’s favorite food? stroganoff
• 15. What makes you proud of your mom? letting me be born
• 16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? I don't know
• 17. What do you and your mom do together? joke around
• 18. How are you and your mom the same? we like each other
• 19. How are you and your mom different? she's a girl, I'm a boy
• 20. How do you know your mom loves you? she always wants me to kiss her.
• 21. What does your mom like most about your dad? he's funny
• 22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? home

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ANNA, 14 YRS OLD

• 1. What is something mom always says to you? your blonde is showing
• 2. What makes mom happy? spagetti and me
• 3. What makes mom sad? that I'm growing up
• 4. How does your mom make you laugh? when you watch a sappy movie and cry
• 5. What did your mom like to do as a child? swimming, rollerskating
• 6. How old is your mom? 35
• 7. How tall is your mom? 5'5"?
• 8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? America's Next Top Model, the Tyra Banks Show, Survivor
• 9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? I wouldn't know
• 10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? photography, probably
• 11. What is your mom really good at? photography, and drinking coffee
• 12. What is your mom not very good at? keeping money in her pocket
• 13. What does your mom do for her job? she is unemployed
• 14. What is your mom’s favorite food? spagetti, pizza, lasagna, cheesecake
• 15. What makes you proud of your mom? she gives me food
• 16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Jessica Rabbit, LOL
• 17. What do you and your mom do together? shop, take pictures, talk about boys
• 18. How are you and your mom the same? we both love salads to death... LOL
• 19. How are you and your mom different? our hair, I think I'm grown and she doesn't think so
• 20. How do you know your mom loves you? she gives me food, puts a roof over my head, and buys me stuff
• 21. What does your mom like most about your dad? that he puts his family first
• 22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? home, to bed

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NATHAN, 17 YRS OLD

• 1. What is something mom always says to you? you need to get up
• 2. What makes mom happy? quiet
• 3. What makes mom sad? me not getting up for school in the morning
• 4. How does your mom make you laugh? depends on the day
• 5. What did your mom like to do as a child? Barbies
• 6. How old is your mom? 35
• 7. How tall is your mom? short
• 8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? CSI, Bones, Ghost Whisperer, The Mentalist, Dancing With the Stars, Big Brother, Survivor
• 9. What does your mom do when you’re not around? Run around, drive everywhere and crap.
• 10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? stuff
• 11. What is your mom really good at? photoshopping
• 12. What is your mom not very good at? getting a picture of me (mom's note: because he won't let me!)
• 13. What does your mom do for her job? nothing right now
• 14. What is your mom’s favorite food? beef manhattan
• 15. What makes you proud of your mom? she's funny, I like funny.
• 16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Goofy
• 17. What do you and your mom do together? play board games, like Scrabble
• 18. How are you and your mom the same? we both like Twilight
• 19. How are you and your mom different? she's read all the books, LOL
• 20. How do you know your mom loves you? because I know
• 21. What does your mom like most about your dad? i don't know
• 22. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? the Rose Park
  
  

Official Weigh-in

My official weigh-in at Curves on the 16th showed me down 4.5 pounds and 9.5 inches. Not too bad at all, and a lot of those inches are in my belly, which is my least favorite part of my body, so it's good. I can even tell a difference in how my jeans fit :)

weight update

As of today I am down 5lbs since the beginning of September!

Kicking (my) Ass

This has been a real roller coaster of a week. I've had many emotional highs and lows, on top of my TOM. The three pounds I had lost found me again last week, but as of yesterday I'm back down a pound and a half, so I think it was just water retention.

I've started a new plan at Curves that keeps me more aware of my workout level, too, and that's been kicking my ass. They put computers on all the machines to keep track of reps and range of motion, and you can track your progress on the main computer to see which muscles you are working to their full potential and which ones you need to put more effort into, and how many calories burnt and all that good stuff. I didn't think that would make a big difference in my workout but it really does. I really want to get on that main computer after my workout and see green dots all over my body, LOL... the green dots say you worked that particular muscle well :) It's instant gratification of sorts, which I really like. Hopefully this will be the kick in the ass I need to get the pounds moving in the right direction again. I've been stagnant for too long.

Haircut

This is not the best picture, but I wanted to get one up since I said I would :)

The Walking Dead

I feel awful. Again not enough sleep, but it isn't too bad at this point after a couple cups of coffee. I am freezing! it is 47 degrees outside. I had to fight with Anna this morning because she thinks it's appropriate to walk across town to school in nothing but a t-shirt... I don't agree with her assessment. Could not find her a jacket quickly so I ended up taking her to school... in my bathrobe, LOL... yeah, I'm one of those moms :) Now the chill has really set in... yuck. AND my allergies have decided to flare up on me. I am sneezing, and blowing my nose, and my eyes are watering, and I am out of my allergy meds. I'm hoping they settle down soon so I can go to Curves without looking like The Walking Dead. I may feel like it, but I certainly don't want to look like it, LOL!

I'm feeling a bit frustrated with Nathan today. He goes to a vocational school this year and he has since decided that he isn't too fond of his class. We told him he needs to stick it out for a while and not just drop it the minute he actually feels challenged. It takes quite a bit to make this boy feel challenged. Well, yesterday he forgot to take his uniform and found out that if he wasn't dressed for class, he didn't go to class. They put him in a study hall basically all afternoon and he read books. Now I love for him to read, but not when he should be in class. Oh well, accidents happen, right?! Well... guess what Dear Nathan forgot today? His shirt. I found it on his bed after he got on the bus. I think he might be trying to Get Out Of Class Free today. I told him to put it in his bag, and I even asked him later if he had, and he said yes. I'm not a happy Momma right now. I would take the shirt to him, but the school is about 45 minutes away, and I have no gas to get there.

3 in 1 day!

Just quickly...

When I lose weight... I am SO shopping here... http://www.modcloth.com/

I'm gonna need some pretty new dresses :)

Update

Not only did I go to Curves this morning... I walked there and back! It's a bit over a half mile away. Then this afternoon I went out and walked about a mile and a half. If only I could maintain this kind of motivation every day!

Good (?) Morning

Good morning all!

No, I'm not as cheery as that comes across, LOL. I've slept like crap the last couple nights and I feel like shit. I've never been a morning person anyway, so double whammy for me. I'm sucking back coffee and struggling to not go back to bed, because if I do, I will sleep all day and get nothing done. That's what happened yesterday... more like tossed and turned all day, actually. I know I need to just suck it up and go straight to Curves, then come home and take a nice hot bubble bath or something. A bit of pampering would be most welcome.

Workin' It

Good news... I made it to Curves 4 times this past week, and I walked 2 1/2 miles last night. Yay for me! I'm not sure where the actual weight is, I'm trying not to check every day, LOL... we'll see how long that lasts :) My eating has not been super fabulous, however. I have been making better choices, but not consistently. Better yes, Good no. Today I plan on spending some quality time on the Wii Fit since I can't get out of the house, and DH is sleeping (he works nights) so I can't get on the noisy treadmill in the bedroom. I'm thinking that after a couple more weeks of consistency going to Curves I will be able to get on the elliptical again and not be in horrible agony :)

More Car Problems.

Last post I said I had to spend $190 I didn't have to fix the car, right? Well, today my van decided to stop steering and braking. Somewhat essential functions, right?! Yeah. So there goes another $400 I don't have, except this time, I don't even have it available. There is nothing I can take it from, it doesn't exist in my Universe. So how am I gonna talk the service shop into giving me back my vehicle when I can't give them one red cent up front? I don't know.

But I did lose 3 pounds!

I Am Weak!

So three days ago I posted that I was gonna reward myself for weight loss with a haircut. Do you think my damn fool self was strong enough to wait?!?!?

If you said no, you were correct, LOL. I had a reall shitty couple of days and I ended up almost in tears at the salon begging them to make me feel better. It worked, I did feel better. Right up until an hour later when my car decided to take a shit on me. It's going again, $190 later. $190 that I didn't have.

But my hair is cute! Pics up soon :)

School is Coming!

Yay! School starts tomorrow!! Nathan started last week, but Anna and Nicky start tomorrow, so it will be my first day of ME time :) Looking forward to that :)

I'm hoping to utilize my time this year a bit more productively. I would of course like to focus on my weight loss again. I was doing fairly well getting back on track in the early part of the year, but I hit the skids when Nathan went into the hospital and I haven't been able to get back on board. I've made a couple of half-assed attempts, but my heart wasn't in it. To start this time I am gonna try a short little challenge. 3 weeks. I am going away for the weekend on Sept. 12 to visit with friends and I want to see how much I can lose by then. Seeing some decent results in the beginning always motivates me to stick with it. If I can't deal for 3 weeks then i got bigger problems than thunder thighs. Plus, Curves is running a challenge in September. Nothing fancy, just a commitment to be there at least three times a week, but there's prizes at the end, so I am more likely to go, LOL. I'll let you know how it goes :)

I would also like to work more on my scrapbooking. I love it, but dredging up the motivation to pull everything out of the numerous closets it is stuffed into takes some doing, LOL. I'm working on getting a better storage solution for my supplies, so hopefully soon it won't be such a chore.

I would like to use more time to pamper myself. Bubble baths and manicures and facials and stuff. All at home, I can't afford to go out too much to a salon. I have decided though that when i lose a certain amount of weight I will go to a salon and get a real haircut. I keep getting the itch to go get it done, but I'm really trying to hold off. I weigh about 230 pounds right now. I'd really like to hold out on the haircut until I hit 200. Wish me luck!

About 3 months or so ago, Eric went to a 3rd shift position. That has been really difficult for me to adjust to. I don't like going to bed by myself :( I find myself up until 2 or 3am just because I don't want to lay down by myself. It is wreaking havoc on my sleep cycles, which weren't that great to begin with. I am going to try to get to bed every night by 11pm. I need to get better sleep because I need my energy and it just isn't here right now. On the other hand with the work schedule, with the kids starting school, Eric and I will have more alone time together during the day. We've never gotten a great deal of just us time in our relationship, so it will be nice :)

Mixed Feelings

A few weeks ago, Eric and I had to have complete physicals with blood work done for his employers insurance. They want a baseline of health for all the employees and their spouses. I was super scared to do it because I've never tested my cholesterol or anything. Being very obviously overweight, obese actually, for many years, I thought my results would be off the charts. I got the report back today, and was stunned to find that everything (heart rate, blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol) was in the normal range! So I guess that while I'm not doing enough to lose weight at this point, all the moderate exercise at Curves is at least keeping me healthy! The only thing in the test that was "high risk" was my BMI. But we already knew that, right?!

On the other hand, Eric's results were not fabulous. His blood pressure is a bit off, but his cholesterol is ridiculously high. His good cholesterol is way low. He needs to do something quickly to get his health in check. I've always been a bit concerned because his male relatives all seemed to have issues with their hearts. This is just like a punch in the gut. I hope he takes it seriously as a wake up call. He has recently been trying to quit smoking, but I don't know how dedicated he is.

Existing.

This is turning out to be an odd day for me. I don't feel good, I don't feel bad... I just kinda feel lost. I feel like I've been wandering around in circles today without the ability to focus on any one thing. Many times I have caught myself just sitting here staring around at nothing in particular... basically just existing.

On a Roll...

I don't have too much to say, but I'm trying to be a good blogger, so here I am :)

The last couple of days were spent mostly cleaning in preparation for visiting family members today. My cousin and her husband, and my Grandmother came to visit. I get anal about cleaning when I know I'm having company. Down to scrubbing the baseboards on my hands and knees and crying on the back step by myself when I feel like nobody is helping me to my satisfaction. Thank God I don't get company too often, LOL, I'd be even more of a basket-case than I already am!

This is me...

Okay, so I think it is time to re-introduce myself. My name is Jeanna (Jee-nah)... I have been Nan here for a very long time. No more. I was always so afraid that someone from "real life" would find my blog that I used a fake name. Though when talking about my family I always used their real names... go figure, LOL. I never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the box :) I always censored myself just in case someone did find me, because one of my biggest fears is to say something that might hurt somebody's feelings. I'm working on that. My first step was to give the link here to a real life friend of mine (Our World... over there in the links --->). It made me feel kind of queasy, LOL, but I'm committed to make this attempt to become less of a prisoner of my own anxieties.

For those that have followed my weight loss struggles, guess what?! I'm still struggling. Big shock, eh?! I had gained quite a bit of weight toward the beginning of the year when my oldest son went into the hospital. I have brought it down a bit since then, so YAY for me, LOL... but I'm still sitting at 230 pounds. That is only 21 pounds from my highest weight.

Starting Over

I'm starting this thing completely over... changes to come...