A Whole New World

I was just looking back at my blog to see how long it has been since my last post. The interviews with the kids were just filler, something fun for a change, as I have not had much fun since that last post on October 21st. That was the day my whole world changed.

This is the abridged version...

I told my husband that day that I wanted a divorce. He had no idea that I was that unhappy, so it kind of hit him up-side the head. He's a good husband, he always has been. I just felt like he was my best friend and that was all the feeling I could muster anymore. It was difficult working through it because we are so not wealthy, so we had to continue living together because neither of us could afford to move. He finally did find a place, and started to fix it up and move some things in, but still lived at our house because I had no job and he couldn't afford to sustain 2 active households. We have filed bankruptcy, and are losing our house... it's been killing us for years, and with Eric's hours being cut for so long, we just couldn't hold on to it anymore... I couldn't find a job, so I ended up on government assistance, which did enable me to get an apartment of my own. I was actually very excited about getting that apartment and beginning to move forward with my life again. Then I got the keys.

I got the keys on March 31, and things went haywire again. I walked into that apartment with keys in hand and had a bit of a break down. All of the pain and frustrations I had been dealing with fell away and I realized that I did still love my husband and I did not want to live away from him. I didn't say anything right away, I was so afraid that it was a fear response... that I was just afraid to be on my own... I had to make sure what I was feeling before I made any decisions. On April 4th, Eric came to me at the right moment and asked me what I was thinking, and I ended up telling him. We spent all day talking things out and in the end we decided to stay together and make it work. I turned in the keys to the apartment and we both moved into the place he had rented. We are still working on getting everything moved and organized... it's a bit difficult, because we are downsizing quite considerably.

I did quit Curves some months ago to try and save money. I began eating myself into a corner. And I've put on weight. I am hovering about 232lbs. I have so many other things going on right now that it is difficult to make my weight loss a priority. It is on my mind though. More every day. I will get back to it.

Oh, and I actually had a job interview last week, and it looks as though it might come through. I will know for sure on Wednesday. I'll let you know more then. I'm a bit scared though, I haven't worked outside of the home in 10 years. I guess now would be a good time to get back on my anxiety meds, LOL...